Looking back at these pictures I can't believe this was only one year ago. Harry and I look so much younger HEHE! Brooke and I shot these for National Breastfeeding week when Harrison was only three months old and I thought wow, this is so special that I'm documenting this (I had never taken any pics nursing Luke) and I knew I would want to remember these moments one day. I also remember the feeling I had posting this picture on social media. I was so nervous...what were people going to think? So much has changed this year. Thanks to celebrities, influencers, and women speaking out everywhere, we are starting to normalize breastfeeding and its about time!
About three weeks after this photoshoot we went on a family vacation to Sag Harbor. It was very special because my parents, my sister, and her fiancé were also staying in the house we rented. It was walking distance to town which was perfect for two sleep deprived parents getting up at all hours of the night. Harry was 3 months old and I was nursing him (and pumping) every 3-4 hours. What I didn't know was that he was starving. Well not actually starving...but kind of. I don't know if everyone can relate but for me I took nursing very seriously and always took it personally after I had just fed him or I had pumped and someone else fed him and then they would say, "That's not enough, he's still hungry". It bothered me so much. The week we were in the Hamptons it was so hot and I was trying very hard to not become dehydrated. Luke was born in the January so I hadn't run into the same issues when I was nursing him. The early months were the hardest for me because they need so much - it takes everything out of you. Long story short the entire trip Harrison woke up ALL NIGHT LONG: 12pm, 2am, 3am, 5am, 7am....I was a walking zombie. We didn't know what was wrong with him.
The Monday after we returned home I brought him immediately to the pediatrician. I begged him to help...I remember crying in the office as I recounted all the sleepless nights of our vacation. Within 5 minutes he figured it out. He looked at the bottle of breast milk Harry had been drinking and determined my supply wasn't enough, I couldn't keep up, and we were both suffering. He suggested we start supplementing and I was devastated. How could this be? I nursed Luke exclusively for 9 months and then on and off after that. But I was desperate. The next day we added 8 ounces of formula to our routine and that night he slept through the night - 8 hours straight. I was so happy but also so shocked that I couldn't have figured this out on my own just a week earlier. Where was my mother's intuition?? I wanted to share this story because its ok to get it wrong. Its ok to breastfeed for one year, one day, or to decide its not for you from the get go. We all make mistakes as mother and it can be so hard when all you want is the best for your little one. Formula isn't always the answer but for me it was, and even though it was so hard for me to give up nursing because it wasn't my "plan", it was OK.
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